I forgot how memories pierced so deeply.

I’ve been getting an influx of facebook messages saying “You’ve been tagged in so-and-so’s photo, would you like to view it now?” And of course out of curiosity I click the “View” button because I always thought there was nothing better than seeing old photos and smiling at them. Boy, I was wrong – the photos I opened made me smile a bit, but not all the way. Most of the photos had to do with events I had forgotten, people who I was no longer friends with, and other painful memories that I thought were sealed away. I think I’m a coward to pain; as in, I flinch and then promptly run from it once I lose my composure. I thought that even after four or five years, the pain wouldn’t bother me. I was wrong – now, it’s like several old wounds have opened and I don’t know what to do except let the blood flow to the floor. Now I have this passive face staring back at me on my laptop screen and I don’t like what I’m seeing.

Seeing the photos from the Whistler choir trip in 2008 hurt the most. Half of the photos were of me with a few people that I’m no longer close to, and it makes me sad to think that they were my best friends and now … the spark’s gone. We’ve drifted away from each other or abandoned all hope of being friends again. Whatever happened to talks by the fireplace, spontaneous photos taken in the streets, and discussions on food and the philosophy of life? Life is crazy; if I had known I was going to lose half the people I was friends with, I would have worked harder in keeping them in my life. But that would be going against the odds, since everything happens for a reason and I know it’s better not to question the future. I guess that’s why Life is an equation with no solution.

Enough musing, time to get back to work.


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